Thursday, June 16, 2011

Q&A - "I think I Can Change a Person"

The Question: It is said that you CANT change a person, but I honestly think you CAN, what do ya'll think?

My Reply:

The REAL question is....WHY would you want to change anyone besides your own children or maybe a friend/family member in distress who explicitly ASKS for your help? In the relationship area....that word CHANGE is like the elephant in the room. Taking the responsibility to change or alter someone’s behavior is just too much burden and often leads to disappointment, stress, drama and more time being burned when you can be single, keep living your individual life and eventually run into someone who will be more of your type all around. 

You want to try to BETTER a person? That is GENUINE and done from the HEART (It may not benefit you at all, Even you don't like it, you want to help them better their life: get in school, move to a better place, get a job, etc) but wanting to CHANGE someone differs from wanting to better them. Also wanting to CHANGE someone is considered a selfish move. Because......WHO are you trying to change them for? No intentions there but to get them to treat YOU better and make you feel better in the relationship/situation. That’s why "changes" are temporary when forced/nagged by someone else because it often doesn't help to better them as a person for the long run; it just comes off to them that you want to mold them to BETTER FIT YOU, BETTER FIT YOUR STANDARDS & BETTER FIT YOUR LIFESTYLE (in their mind, you may be someone that they have seen as temporary anyways.....no change ever coming! Only small things altered temporarily to keep your mouth shut and keep the "benefits" coming). #Leave......
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