Monday, March 28, 2011

BIG DIFFERENCE: WANTING a Relationship and being READY for one: The TRANSITION *Must Read*

Hey....have you ever heard someone describe their relationship to you and they use the phrase "at the beginning I made some mistakes" or "in the start of our relationship I didn't take it as seriously" ?? Then I laugh and wonder, wait.....a relationship is a relationship, why was the level of commitment "loose or questionable" at the beginning in the first place? Lol

Then the expert mode kicked in and I said hmmph, a strong predictor of a future successful relationship is being READY for that relationship instead of just getting into one because you don't like being single or lonely.(HUGE DIFFERENCE) just like when you go to sleep, there is a difference between sleeping by DISCIPLINE(I have to work in the morning, etc) and only falling asleep because you are too tired to stay awake.

<span>Back to relationships, this SMALL window before a relationship starts is called "The Transition". Which may ultimately dictate how the rest of your relationship will go.</span>

Being READY to start a serious relationship may resemble some of the behaviors below: 
1. Getting to know the other person significantly enough to give you an idea "IF we get into a relationship, they have many traits I would want in a spouse so I'm in for the long run"


2. When you feel things are all set in place and you gauge each other’s "blueprint" after asking the famous question "so where is this friendship going?" You prepare yourself for "relationship mode" and stop behaving in typical "single mode"

3. You transition and focus less on seeking attention and compliments from thirsty people and focus more on the attention you get from that certain special person and THAT is enough to fulfil your hunger for attention.
Example: guys posting shirtless pics, tongue pics, sexually suggestive pics, etc. And Women posting the nude pictures, 'sex charged pics", making SURE your body is the MAIN ATTRACTION to seek more comments, etc...

4. when you go out with friends, the highlight of the night isn't to mingle with "cute people" and exchange numbers( aka forming even more lust connections before getting into a relationship)

<span>Signs you do WANT a relationship but are not NOT READY</span>

1. Your MOTTO is “Yeah, we getting serious but im still SINGLE so Im still free to do whatever I want, meet whoever I want and sleep with whoever I want until IT happens

2. You are not even OVER your ex relationship so you THINK “when I start the new relationship, it should help me get over them”

3. Even AFTER you discussed working on a future, and the person is a great person, you find yourself exchanging #’s with new “interests” and entertaining new people that you wouldn’t even want a long term relationship with if you were 100% single(Results in the texts/calls all day or during booty call hours, fueled by lust, driven by “I just wanna be your friend”...but YOU KNOW THE DEAL from the START

I am NOT saying One is RIGHT or one is WRONG, im just saying, one mentality will give you and your future relationship a much HIGHER chance at surviving from the start..IF it ever starts.

At the END of the day, relationships are HARD work, the effort you put into planting the seed will reflect the effort you are willing to give when it’s time to strip the thorns off the plant.

Waiting until you make the relationship official to CALM your single tendencies often leads in Lack of Trust right from the START. The booty calls at 1 and 2am coming through while you both try to sleep may not sit well, and saying something like “Oh I will just ignore them and they will get the message eventually” looks MIGHTYYYYY suspect. Compared to a person who already prepared to settle down who may not struggle with that and IF it did happen, when READY, the person is normally VERY PROUD to let those ex’s, ex’boo’s and booty calls “I’m not saying we can’t be cool but I’m in a relationship now, I would appreciate if you respected that” …..The END.

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