Friday, April 9, 2010

Let’s get “Comfortable” well..….I rather NOT!/ It's the Simple Things We FAIL at

Let’s get “Comfortable” well..….I rather NOT!/ The Simple Things We FAIL at

Ok let’s face it, I think it’s safe to say, everyone has got comfortable with SOMETHING in their lifetime: Bed, apartment, hairstyle, job, relationships, etc. What seems to be the most common denominator from millions of people getting comfortable with things is that THEY EVENTUALLY SEEK CHANGE, to one extreme or the other. Comfortable with your favorite hairstyle, now you wanna do something new, comfortable with your apartment, now you wanna re arrange the whole damn place, comfortable with your relationship, now you’re having “back of the mind thoughts” about other people, hoping for something to change but you just can’t put your finger on it or you simply feel your life is frozen, same ol stuff, different days, nothing to be excited for since…..everything is always the same, you’re comfortable with everything.
Now, we will examine, the top SLUMPS that relationships fall into, and I will provide simple tips to KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP REFRESHED. Sees easy to start a relationship, medium effort to keep the sex going and HARD to maintain the relationship while keeping both sides HAPPY. Check the list below, if you have seen, experience or fell into the “void” before:

1. You don’t find yourself “happy” or “excited” to see your partner too often?
2. Text Messages or Calls from your partner tend to annoy you more than excite you?
3. Classify other people’s relationship as “better” or “more fun” than your own?
4. Often feel tired of seeing your partners face or being in their presence?
5. You don’t wear your “good clothes” anymore, because you don’t have a reason to?
6. You found yourself slightly attracted to someone else who seems to find fun in doing the things regularly that your partner doesn’t like doing? (Going out, drinking, sex, cuddle, etc.)?

7. Does the sex life feel “old and repetitive” to you?
8. You or your partner always uses the kids as a reason why you can’t go out, cant travel or can’t be intimate?
9. Don’t desire to have meaningful/deep or intellectual conversations with your partner anymore?
10. Haven’t hung with your friends in a while and often wishing you had gone out with them?


If you have experienced some or ALL of those symptoms then continue reading. If you have NEVER experienced any of those symptoms, you should still read 1. Because it’s always good to increase your relationship knowledge database OR 2. YOU’RE IN DENIAL!! I will let you choose the reason why you should continue reading…

First, if you have had symptom or been in a situation related to one of the scenarios above, DO NOT FEEL BAD. It is in-fact human to perform your best to get what you want then slowly decline in appreciation/behavior as you are exposed to the same thing too often(like living together or seeing each other so often that you barely have time to be an individual anymore). If you or your partner is in this slump, know there is a chance to re-energize that relationship, re-energize yourself and have new motivation.

One thing people who have been in a relationship over 6 months need to stop saying is “I wish things were like when we FIRST met”, it’s possible to still do those fun things but face it, when you FIRST met, you also didn’t know much about each other, didn’t have time to form likes/dislikes about each other and the situation was probably different (no kids, different job, student status, had more free time, etc). It’s easy to have fun with a STRANGER; they don’t know about you, you don’t really know about them, “let’s party!” Instead of thinking of “old times” it’s time to start trying to create NEW TIMES, New activities, New conversations, New excitement as you get older or come to a different point in your lives.

Yooo people, I don’t know how much I can stress this if you do not live with your partner and you want to see them every day, all day, I’m gonna need you to just STOP! Those feelings are not often mutual, there are many people who see their partner every day, but when you ask them how they feel about that, they simply don’t know, they say “I guess I’m just trying to make them happy” or “I thought that’s what you were suppose to do” So I ask “Are you happy with your life, everything going smooth with friends and family” Their answer --> “Well….not really, haven’t hung out with my friends in a while, haven’t seen my family in a while either” Me: “does this make you happy to live like that? How do your friends feel about your recent distant behavior because you now have a partner?” Them: “I assume their not happy, sometimes I wish I could just be single again..Maybe?”

These answers are very common/popular, even though not always said in the same words. If you lose real friends because of your relationship, you’re doing something VERY wrong whether you can realize that or not. When you just see the same person all the time and depend on them to be your best friend, close friend, shopping buddy AND partner, it is inevitable that YOU will become bored or they will become bored for having to play so many roles in your life which hinders their personal growth/expansion because they have to cater to you.

My advice, if you have dissed friends or family because your enmeshed with your partner, try to get them back. Hanging out or chatting with other people OUTSIDE of the work or classroom environment can be very beneficial to you and your relationship. You see different things, you hear different conversations, you can go back home feeling good, have new stories to share with your partner if anything funny/crazy happened and who knows…they might even have a chance to miss you for the hours you were gone, so the meeting would give you a feelings more of pleasure than played out.

Next, FELLAS, this one is DIRECTLY aimed at you, because I have male friends, female friends and associates I notice something VERY common in relationships after a few months, you get COMFORTABLE and you stop wanting to take your ladies out for a night around town, or even WORSE, you lose all desire to even go out with your girl because you feel “What do we need to go out for? I already have her where I want her, no need to waste money now, we can just enjoy each other at home”. This obviously creates 1. A feeling of being TOO comfortable in the relationship so lack of effort starts to show and 2. Often leads to the break-up, separation, or staying together but one or BOTH people feeling like “I’m tired of this, I want to date again, I enjoyed those days” which ALSO leads to --> your boo starting to get a little too close to someone ELSE more outgoing than YOU! Even if you THINK you have a woman that doesn’t like to go out much, women say that BUT…..they still would like to be taken out, at LEAST once a week or once every two weeks, make it happen mannnnnn! P.s. if you don’t have money, going for walks, going to the beach, museums or even the ZOO works (they ALL have free days!!).

Overall message for MEN and WOMEN, Getting USE to your partner is not really a GOOD thing in some ways. It’s good to feel secure with them but things should not always feel repetitive, old, same ol same ol or just NON exciting. Here are ten tips to jump start that relationship again and keep a good CHARGE!

1. Don’t assume since you see our partner often that doing the same things is acceptable. Go to the same places, same restaurants, same movie theater, hang out in the same house, on the same couch, texting about the SAME stuff everyday for x amount of YEARS, that’s insane!

2. Guys, some women don’t care if you have a lot of money, but if you have no money and YOU make it an issue and use it as a handicap reason why you can’t drive, why you can’t do this, do that then money will be an issue!! Gotta know your city, know what’s free and when the weather is warm, get out and just chill with your partner, no money needed. Even if you don’t want to do some of the free things, it’s worth a try, you may even have to tag along while your girl goes shopping and DON’T complain, that’s often appreciated.

3. Ladies or fellas, seriously though, seeing your partner 24/7 should not mean to be a bum 24/7 lol. Getting your hair done/cut and wearing your good clothes sometimes is refreshing to a woman/man who sees you looking tired every day. Partners seeing you look tired MOST of the time may lead to decrease in sexual attraction, decrease in interest to take you out and decrease in interest in other areas, trust me, you’ll notice when it happens.

4. Realize….THE XBOX AINT GOING NOWHERE!!! AND THE TV AINT GOING NOWHERE! If Xbox Live Friends or the Cast from reality TV shows get more of an excitement out of you than your partner does….”Houston….we have a problem!”. Nothing wrong with playing Xbox or watching your shows but if you find yourself more into the shows and games than making sure your partner is good on basic needs, then it’s time to re-prioritize, at least sometimes.

5. Tell them how much they mean to you every now and then, daydream how you would feel if they left you, if they mean something to you, snap back to reality and send those random text messages or leave those random voicemails to let your partner know how much you like them, love them or want them in your life. Simple things work wonders, try it sometimes.

6. If you have a child, we all know that finding someone to watch them can be hard, but finding a parent, cousin, sibling or even a friend to watch your children for one or two weekends a month so you and your partner can have a day or two to yourselves! No kids no noise and the chance to go do something interesting or simply sit back, and enjoy some good ol fashion company! Not being able to do SOMEthings…understandable, saying you can’t do ANYTHING, anytime, your starting to make your child sound like a burden more than a blessing, so cut it out with the excuses all the time! If your partner is not the other parent u may just make them start to desire dating someone else without a child if you act like you cant

7. IF you two are sexually active and you ever had the feeling like, it’s all the same stuff so it’s not much entertainment or time taken anymore then you may wanna consider raising the bar or simply mixing things up a bit, too many resources are around for the bedroom to get BORING! Websites, sex shops, friend suggestions maybe? IDK all I’m trying to say is try some new stuff ever so often, make sex something that you two look forward to again instead of just doing it just because you can, which will lead to it being Borrrrrinnnnng. A boring bedroom can make a partner have daydreams about someone else easier than you think. For some people it’s not even a specific person they desire, they just bored and want something NEW again, a refreshed feeling in the sex department since you or your performance is getting played out since you are doing the same stuff, same positions and in the same spot in the house.

8. If you have friends or other people to hang out with…PLEASE utilize them! Don’t keep passing on the opportunity to hang out when they invite you, no matter what your partner says, you MUST form an identity and life of your own, go out sometimes without your partner, expand your knowledge database by chatting with other people, learning new things(in an innocent way of course!). And if your partner is dead set against you hanging out without them then you may have a bigger problem than my blog can help you with! 1. Insecurity AND/OR 2. They are cheating on you and they know the kinda dirt they do when they hang out with their friends so they don’t want you hanging out with yours for fears that you may do the SAME THING.

9. Communication is everything, but if you find yourself talking 24/7 when your not around each other then see each other often in the week then…..you will play YOURSELF! As stated above, call other people sometimes, check on your friends and family every week or just enjoy silence, moments of not talking to anyone and doing what you need to do in the day. What’s the worst that can happen? Your gonna feel vulnerable if you’re not always on the phone with your partner? You think they will cheat on you if they not talking to you on the phone? Or you simply don’t have any other friends to call so you feel like your partner is the ONLY person you can chat with when you feel like random conversations? Either way, switch that up! Not sure about women, but a lot of guys CAN talk to you all the time, but if we never have a chance to MISS you then we will start to take you for granted…..sound familiar? Riiiight! You’ve seen or heard of that happening before.

10. If you think, you been with a person x years, or see them x times a week that everything is SAFE….you are SADLY misguided!! I don’t care if you are with a person for 10 years, you STILL have to work to keep them into the relationship and happy. Gotta incorporate the element of surprise, buy random things, make random plans, give random hugs, random kisses, use compliments but don’t overdo it! Create pet names, and if you are into health and living longer, working out/eating better/attempting to get or stay in shape is really cool, even BETTER if both of you can find a common goal to work on, hit the gym together or something like that to have something in common and get closer. Whatever you do, make sure you are CONSISTANT in doing it, so many people fall off, stop with the sweet texts, stop showing up at random, stop the surprise gifts completely after a while when they feel “everything is on lockdown”. Sorry if I offend anyone or their relationship but THERE IS NO LOCKDOWN! If you slip on your duties too much to the point where the other person is noticing and pointing it out, YOUR IN TROUBLE! Not because they are shady, but because they are HUMAN! Humans have BASIC needs that need to be met to stay happy or content so if you’re too comfortable and not even meeting those, your something like a USELESS partner and it’s time to split up if you don’t wanna give some of these tips a try................................#GoodBye.
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1 comments:

  1. I actually had a conversation with my best friend the other day and we were talking about relationships. I stated that whatever my man did to get me he would have to do to keep me. And she called me selfish. Saying that when you in love you get comfortable. And even though he may not show it to you, he still loves you. I personally believe that thats bullshit. A man would do anything in his power to keep you smiling. I know that! And I told her a person will only do what you allow them too. So no I won't leave him if he slips but I will ignore phone calls to act like I'm busy or go out with girls to get away. When you do things like that it gives your man a chance to miss u.

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