Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Insecurities......

If a person lacks certainty and security, they will become INSECURE. And when an insecure person decides to tackle the constant battle of being in a relationship with another person, they will point their finger and blame the other person (when everyone knows that blaming is NEVER an effective method of problem-solving), they will act jealous and they may become deceptive in order to get the information that they suspect if being hidden from us. Some of us behave in this apparently SILLY manner in order to gain stability. Kind of weird, isn’t it? But stability is necessary to us, and a important survival skill.

We’ve all behaved that way at one point in our lives, because we ALL have some kind of insecurities. The world is filled with uncertainty, and unpredictability is what makes life so interesting! What’s not so fun, is the fear that you will not have enough money to support yourself or your family. So you budget hard and you work more or work overtime. You don’t have time to sit around acting vulnerable and helpless, and taking out your problems on other people when you are active in work, sports and etc. (least of all, your partner).

In relationships, insecurities can/will easily make things unstable. "If the soil isn’t rich with esteem, the relationship will not blossom into a beautiful flower. Get it?" Plus, nobody’s attracted to a punk or softy. Can you imagine two insecure people in a relationship? You probably can. You know that couple that fights all the time in front of all of their friends, and never seem to resolve their disputes? That’s them. For Example if they’re both a little overweight or have serious emotional issues, then they’re even more likely to be insecure. Simple math tells me that the chances of their relationship lasting are slim to none, and slim just left the building lol.

So here’s A (proven effective!) solution to this little problem: It’s called The Insecurity Blanket.

Rather than acting like an emotional basket case when a problem arises, it’s better to share your insecurities before they become an active problem. Put aside your pride (The deadliest of the 7 Deadly Sins… and commonly known as “The root of evil”) for about 20 minutes, and talk frankly about what fears lurk in your subconscious. You can admit to your girlfriend that you get jealous when you see her strutting around in a mini-skirt and guys flock to her as though she were a walking beer tap. Trust me, she gets jealous too. Every time a girl giggles at one of your jokes and touches your arm affectionately, she feels the urge to grab that girl by her ponytail and fling her violently into the wall.

Better listening = better communication = better understanding, which paves the way for more intimacy (aka... better sex!).

Insecurity Blanket "How-To"

You can’t just blurt out something like: “I hate it when you act slutty!” Use caution with the words you choose, and most importantly is the location which you choose to divulge these thoughts. Mutually decide on a time and place each week or month for both of you to lie down beside each other and share each other's concerns, fears, and personal insecurities. You can do this in bed, laying under the covers together, hence the title of the exercise – the Insecurity Blanket.

A "security blanket" is a term used to describe something that someone uses to reduce anxiety. The “IN-security blanket” is a metaphor for an intimate place where two people can share their personal insecurities without fear of being judged or ridiculed. In other words: Location, location, location!

Hara Estroff Marano of Psychology Today Magazine says: "Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy; intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness and self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadness as well as hopes and dreams".

This is why if you and your partner seek shelter underneath the "insecurity blanket" at least once a month, your personal insecurities will not compound into resentment towards your partner or your relationship, and make for a blissful, happy life together. Isn’t that why you’re in a relationship in the first place?
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2 comments:

  1. I definitely agree....but it is so hard to get men to open up about their insecurities

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  2. yeah....you have a good point there lol. But trying to maintain OPEN communication/verbalization will eventually pay off. Promote it, try not to argue when a guy starts to open up to what he feels about you or your actions from his perspective.

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