Friday, March 4, 2011

ANGER! The Example, The Response, The Truth and the INTERVENTION *Start Bi-WINNING*

ANGER: Can others really CAUSE you to angry or do we get angry with ourselves for not knowing HOW to deal with certain situations? --> “Better not give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” Who CONTROLS your mood....You OR "Them?" Have you secretly become "someone’s BITCH" without even realizing it? Or have you realized it but just CAN’T HELP IT?? BEFORE you get angry while reading lol, I just want to state that drama takes two, arguments take two, a great deal of mood altering scenarios involve multiple parties. My learning taught me: despite WHO starts it or who ends it, BOTH or ALL involved parties have EQUAL blame/contribution in the situation. Which is why I do not want readers to feel as if it’s your fault for ANYTHING, this blog is about personal mental empowerment, we cannot control others actions but we sure can control our OWN and this knowledge will get you VERY far but it is not easy grasp at first, practice = STRENGTH.

With this being said, how do YOU feel about the statement above? This excerpt has been taken from my upcoming book so excuse the length. I did my BEST to keep this note shorter but direct with THE MOST POPULAR EXAMPLE that we ALL have done, practiced or seen with someone else. This will give you a better look into what’s REALLY going on behind the scenes WHEN GETTING ANGRY GETS REAL!

*This blog can be read in intervals over a few days or can be read all at once: either way, I feel it will be BENEFICIAL to read it period than not read at all*

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In this Blog I use reference to an EX for EXAMPLE but you can replace the word “ex” with ANYONE else who can manipulate your mood at will. And if you are confused about what you will READ/LEARN from this blog, I will give you the top 5 reasons to KNOW if you may be powerless over other peoples INFLUENCES (aka you have lost your nuts!), or powerless over the dreaded EX.

5. When people see you out and about, they are OFTEN ask you “what’s wrong with you? Are you alright?” You say IM FINE, your mind says, IM MAD ABOUT WHAT MY EX DID/SAID TO ME the other night. They have the power to turn you into ANOTHER person huh? And now the general public has to deal with the bad you?



4. You go out on dates or go party with friends but you are still going back and forth with your ex via text messaging because you feel it is a serious discussion? Then you notice if your ex goes to hang out, you won’t hear from them at all no matter how serious the discussion was. THEM ( having fun and enjoying life) YOU (not having fun and not enjoying life no matter how hard you try) Oh yeah….they pick up on these things as well #Power

3. You find yourself OFTEN discussing feelings and emotions when you do talk to your ex. You try to avoid it but you just can’t help it huh? Then you find yourself getting ANGRY that you are not getting the responses that you “want”. Once again, surface anger is about their responses, The TRUE anger that you may be scared to admit to is “Why Am I STILL HERE?!’ do you know?! Your choice, not their choice!

2. You often get depressed thinking about your ex and it is EVIDENT! You stay at home or stop doing enjoyable activities because you don’t want your ex to THINK you are having fun with hopes that they will see that you have “changed” and give you another chance? Oh yeah……Your ex notices this too as they are chilling, having fun and living life but you on the other hand, are “saving yourself, waiting on the ex to come around”.

1. You DELETE or DEACTIVATE your Facebook (or other social network site) when they make you angry or you see something that you can’t deal with involving your EX. (Prime example of being and doing EXTRA! If you did not CREATE your Facebook page FOR anyone else then why are you deactivating it for someone else? What’s your rationalization? “Oh too many fake people on there, MY REAL friends have my number” ß--- GET OUTTA HERE! Do you think ANYONE believes this HALF Truth! Our real friends ALWAYS had our phone numbers and people are phony EVERYWHERE, suddenly you want to deactivate when ONE person brings drama your way? You have officially given them “Your Nuts” on a gold platter. You can feed your friends any BS story that you create, but the OTHER person will know the TRUTH “I NOW SEE THAT I HAVE THE POWER!....this will be FUN! ;-)”

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THE BREAKDOWN: Example, My Response, Truth of the Matter, Tips for success and the INTERVENTION:

The Example # 1,2,3,4,5 6 7 8 9 and one millionth! Hell we see it so often! lol

"My EX (Or INSERT any OTHER person’s title here, Boo, Ex-fling, stalker, etc) blew my mood for the day! Every time I talk to them, it ends up in a fight, f**k EVERYBODY.....I’m tired of trying"

My Response: Well.....sorry you feel that way about EVERYBODY because one, two or a few people screwed you over. Last I remembered, the existing POSITIVE friends, family and associates are a beautiful thing to have..... *Side Note* ---> Having positive people in your circle MAY NOT be a direct correlation to HAPPINESS. People can be positive without having your best interest at heart; these people often are positive but also “tell you what you want to hear rather than what you NEED to hear”.…NOT SO HELPFUL TO YOUR GROWTH!

WHEN GETTING ANGRY GETS REAL: Besides the common wonder “why are they letting their ex CONTROL them so much” I notice most people just don’t realize they are BEING CONTROLLED in this situation nor do they ever discover the trick” because Anger blinds them. To talk to an ex….fine; to talk to an ex and still bicker with them as if you are STILL in a relationship..... USELESS ANGER & TIME!!!! SO what REALLY angers you? Mad at yourself for “not seeing the signs” in the beginning and letting yourself fall in love with them? Mad at yourself for trying so hard to make things happen/work when the feeling wasn’t mutual? Are you Angry at yourself for dating the “wrong type of person”? Didn’t like the feeling of being lonely so you dated someone because they were simply available and decent looking? OR maybe you just genuinely feel that you were TRICKED from the beginning? (The other person put on a FALSE mask to get in your good graces then they unleashed their REAL personality after a while).


Let’s Work On That: Seems the TRUE anger isn’t ACTUALLY the other party, the True Anger is with you and inside of you. Confusion and emotions are a depressing combination sometimes. You ever wonder “Why are they treating me like this? “Why can’t they just change?” And this is what you feel Angry about; it burns people up on the inside! Somewhere, you are ignoring or suppressing the OTHER side of your brain that is producing the MOST anger, and that side of your brain is saying “WHY AM I ALLOWING THIS BEHAVIOR?” “WHY CANT I MOVE ON?!”WHY AM I SETTLING FOR LESS?” “WHAT IS MY SELF-WORTH? IS IT THIS LOW?” But many people FOCUS ON BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE for anger/issues rather than talk to themselves to find a REAL solution because you CANNOT CONTROL OR DICTATE SOMEONE ELSE'S BEHAVIOR!! WHO do we have control over? ONLY OURSELVES!

*SIDE NOTE* there may be so many different scenarios and options that can occur with interactions with others, some may include: jealousy, insecurities, esteem issues, abuse, disrespect, and the list goes on. Is there a problem with EXPLORING these issues head-on? NO, its actually recommended. BUT if you have explored the dynamics, discussed the deeper issues over and over and over and never see anything changing for the better you may come to a point where you feel STUCK. More time is passing, you keep waiting for change or trying to change yourself but it just doesn’t seem like you two are on the same page, this is your cue “Time to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT to get DIFFERENT results” WHEN you are FED UP you WILL be more committed to making a differentiation move or literally die trying!

I like to call that relationship or ex-relationship stressing “Being held By the NUTS” (Imagine this, science claims that men are the strongest right? No matter how strong, buff, tough, tall, short or hardcore that man is, there is ALWAYS one spot to hit him to bring him to his knees at will: His NUTS!). Someone is saying the relationship is not what it used to be, but I KNOW HOW TO GET A REACTION OUT OF THEM, THIS IS HOW I WILL FORCE THEM TO KEEP ME ON THEIR MIND AND STAY RELEVANT. Often I see people hang up on someone, snap on them or curse them out, all while they THINK they have CONTROL over the situation. but in REALITY you LOST AS SOON AS YOU LET THEM EFFCT YOUR MOOD AND THEY KNOW THIS TOO! The TRUE anger stems from your mind questioning... WAIT….WHY DID THEY EVEN ANSWER THE PHONE OR ANSWER THAT TEXT MESSAGE IN the FIRST PLACE?! You reply to foolishness, YOU HAVE LOST! When you let any person ruin your day(like MOST of your day is spent dwelling on it) then YOU HAVE LOST! If your “anger” is about another person changing or you WAITING on them to do better, think better or act better…YOU HAVE LOST! There always seems to be one who is trying hard and the other who is just going with the flow since they have no reason to cut you off….YET! Take your nuts back! You are not angry with THEM! They are SIMPLY acting THEMSELVES, YOU are the one trying all types of different things and rationalizing why you want to keep associating with them ("oh they are a nice person when they act right", blah blah blah) YOU are acting out of character and THIS is why you are mad!*Stop…..Pause……Think About It…..Now take a mental picture!*

*Note* Once again, this blog is NEVER implying that it is your fault for any problems; it is simply implying things are 50/50. The sooner you can identify what is going on, the sooner things will start to make a world of sense and you can make your internal shifts. 50% is significant, I have learned (through research, experiences and observations) that our own 50% is significant enough to cause a CHANGE IN the SYSTEM, Good OR bad. Obviously, what you have been doing has probably not been working out so well for you.

I NOTICE the weak link, Facebook probably notices the weak link, your friends probably notice the weak link, your EX DEFINITELY knows the weak link, which is why they do what they do, because YOU WILL DEAL WITH IT! Why stop?! Having 100% power feels GREAT! And FYI, getting mad and cursing them out then not answering or replying to them for a few weeks/months is a WASTE if you just get right back into the same weak cycle over and over again, YOU STILL LOSE! Stop making excuses! Oh you ANGRY HUH? CONTROL YOUR BEHAVIOR THEN, more than likely YOU are the one doing the EXTRA stuff or CHANGED YOUR CHARACTER TO SUIT THEM while they are just being themselves, not much changed on their end. Naturally if we feel like we had to change things to please someone else then we will feel even more anger and/or resentment in these situations. What is the first thing you hear people say to launch an attack or defense in this situation? “I changed all of this for you and you haven’t changed a damn thing! You are all talk”. WASH….RINSE….REPEAT <---- -this will be the cycle of these kinds of debates until you change something and/or EXIT.

****INTERVENTION****: Your situation hurts, you hurt and AFTER you realize the anger is not with THEM, it’s with YOU; things will become A LOT clearer, I PROMISE YOU. At this point, you are READY to TRULY make the ADJUSTMENT needed to PREVENT this from happening in the future. What happened in the past is the past; we ALL make mistakes, IGNORE OBVIOUS RED FLAGS and Even FORCED a few situations beyond the expiration date. It’s OKAY to be human, don’t beat yourself up; THESE are the mistakes that make us stronger ONCE we realize where the error occurred. For the future, maybe you can take EXTRA time to get to know someone; maybe you can see those obvious red flags and decide to BACK OUT rather than to go forward “just because they look good” or because you are tired of being lonely. Maybe you can be more DIRECT with what you are looking for from the VERY beginning and let things go from there, Maybe you can use past experiences as blessings and RAISE your bar/standard in the types of things and/or people that you will even associate with. Maybe you can STOP and THINK about what’s REALLY going on instead of going on then thinking AFTER the fact(This is what MAINLY gets us in bad situations, let’s not forget this one!) Maybe you can start asking yourself “IS THIS PERSON ESSENTIAL TO MY LIFE OR ARE THEY JUST THERE AND POTENTIALLY DO MORE HARM THAN HELP ME IN MY PERSONAL JOURNEY?”

I can’t tell ANYONE what to think or HOW to think, what I can tell you though: IT’S TIME! SPRING CLEANING 2011……Once it’s in the garbage bag, you TOSS IT and DO NOT BRING IT BACK. Our problem is that we often put things in the GARBAGE BAG but leave them sitting right there on the Kitchen floor for TOO LONG! IT STINKS, IT’S BAD FOR OUR HEALTH, AND IT’S ROTTEN…..THE END! #TakeYourLifeBack WHO do you LOVE MORE? WHO are you OBLIGATED TO PROTECT? YOU OR THEM?!
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